CHEMISTRY vs. COMPATIBILITY part 2

David and I started dating not long after that.

We took it slow. About six months later, we decided we were exclusive.

And I'm not going to bullshit you and rewrite history just because I'm older and have more perspective now.

David and I weren't necessarily good for each other during that particular chapter of our lives.

We were both addicts.

We were two people trying to have a relationship while carrying around our own shit, our own addictions, our own damage, our own bad habits and our own versions of survival.

We went through a lot of the motions that addicts in relationships tend to go through.

Some of it was beautiful.

Some of it was an absolute fucking disaster.

And some of it was both at the same time.

That's the thing about looking back at your life honestly. You don't get to conveniently turn everyone into a hero or a villain just because it makes the story easier to tell.

David wasn't my savior.

I wasn't his.

We were two fucked-up people trying to figure out how to love each other while we were still trying to figure out how to love ourselves.

But here's the part that matters to me now:

David and I are still very good friends.

We still keep in very close contact.

There isn't some dramatic ending where one person becomes the villain and the other rides off into the sunset with a perfectly healed nervous system and a matching set of luggage.

That's not real life.

Real life is messier.

Sometimes people come into your life and change the direction of it without necessarily being meant to stay there forever.

Sometimes a relationship doesn't work, but the person still matters.

Sometimes you have to look back at two people you were and say, Jesus Christ, we were a fucking mess.

And then you laugh.

Because what else are you going to do?

You survived it.

You learned from it.

And hopefully, if you're lucky, you don't have to keep repeating it.

David and I didn't have to stay together to recognize that what we had been through mattered.

And I think that's another thing we don't talk about enough.

Not every relationship has to be a success story to have been meaningful.

Some relationships teach you what love looks like.

Some teach you what love doesn't look like.

Some teach you boundaries.

Some teach you self-respect.

Some teach you that chemistry and compatibility are two completely different fucking things.

And some teach you that a person can be imperfect, make mistakes, struggle with their own demons, and still eventually become someone you are grateful to have known.

David is one of those people for me.

Our relationship happened during a very complicated time in both of our lives.

But our friendship survived it.

And honestly, I'm grateful for that.

Because somewhere between all the chaos, the addiction, the bad decisions, the good times, the terrible times, and the lessons we learned the hard way, we managed to keep something real.

Respect.

And maybe that's what this entire story comes down to.

Respect.

For yourself.

For other women.

For the people you love.

And eventually, for the truth.

Because once you stop fighting everyone around you and start paying attention to the person actually responsible for the chaos, things get a hell of a lot clearer.

I didn't need to hate those women.

I needed to stop accepting a man who kept giving me reasons to.

And I needed to become the woman who understood that being chosen isn't the same thing as being valued.

That lesson took me a long fucking time to learn.

But I learned it.